The Secrets We Keep

I'm starting to believe that even the most innocent, boring adult has secrets that would shock their closest friends. Secrets that may have even shocked themselves. Maybe this is why they seem so quiet and innocent.

I was at a friend's house last night for dinner and games and my friend made the comment (about me) that it's the quiet ones you have to watch out for. He knows my secrets. I know his. We've both shook our heads at the other person when we heard what the other has done in our lifetimes. But, we're still friends and we didn't judge each other by what we did. Okay, we certainly have learned a lot about the other person when these secrets were revealed but the fact that we can deal with them, move on and still be friends is pretty amazing in my mind. Why? Because I know what I've done and I'm no sure I'd be friends with me! Because it would firmly place me in the category of "one of THOSE people" and I wouldn't want that drama in my life. But people change, sometimes for the worse but not always. I had a couple rough years. You might call it hitting my teen years a little late. A little rebellion against society (and no it wasn't illegal, well, in most states). But it was definitely out of the norm for me. My friends who knew me before and during those two years tell me I should write a book. One likes to tell me my life was just like a really bad Lifetime movie and that I should write a movie about it. I told him I'm sure it's been done.

Which makes me wonder. If we all have secrets, but the "movies" already been done, just why are these things so shocking? I've lost at least one friend over what I've done. Haven't heard a word from him in over three years. But, we're human. We all make stupid choices. Thankfully I've learned from mine and it's cost me a lot. Not just the friendships but it took its toll on my faith in myself. Two years later, I'm still working on that. I'm amazed at just how many of the pieces I've picked up and fit back together in just the last eight to ten months! Life is good as they say.

What's even better is finding a friend I can confide in, who hopefully will not judge me too harshly once she's heard the whole story. Because, while the pieces are starting to fall back together, there are a few that are, oh, pretty well shattered. When I was in second grade I played Humpty Dumpty in a play and I remember after my first relationship fell apart, telling the next person in my life that the shell holding me together was pretty fragile, let's not try to see what happens if it breaks. But he had to push and just like Humpty Dumpty, all the pieces couldn't be put back together again. Maybe I'll just fit a few new ones in place of the old ones. Hopefully, I won't build a new wall to sit on and watch life go by. Hmmm, I'm pretty sure I haven't done that. In fact, it seems I've jumped head first into my life lately. And I'm liking what I see...