It's been a pretty rough couple of days. Yesterday I took my NAPLEX exam. That's the North American Pharmacy Licensing Exam. One of two tests that stand in the way of actually being a real pharmacist now that I have the degree. The thing is I have some pretty rude and obnoxious neighbors living above me. This test is a culmination of three years of graduate school and six years of undergrad work. It's a four hour test and it's all that stands between being able to pay back my very expensive school loans at this point. Needless to say, it's VERY STRESSFUL! I didn't work for the week before the test so that I could study. Two nights before the test I hardly slept. I was nervous, anxious and, frankly, a little freaked out. So, I went to bed at 10:30 the night before the test, with ear plugs in because I could already hear the neighbors making a bunch of noise. At 11:30 they woke me up but somehow I managed to get back to sleep fairly quickly. At 3 AM, I woke up again, not really sure why. I tend to wake up quite often during the night so I thought nothing of it other than taking out the earplugs because the longer I wear them the more my ears hurt. I figured by 3 AM the neighbors had gone to bed. Boy was I wrong. They were pounding around, making all sorts of noise. I was tempted to call the police (again) but figured by the time the police got there they'd have stopped the noise. Again, I was wrong. At 4 AM I think they passed out. Why do I think they passed out? Because when I got up at 4:45 AM there was a beer can on my patio and it reeked of alcohol out there. I was so angry that I couldn't even think straight. It's five hours until the NAPLEX!! Five hours until I see if three years and several thousands of dollars in debt are going to be worth all the blood, sweat and tears they caused me.
I'm not really sure how I managed it but I made it through the NAPLEX. I didn't yawn at all. I even sort of felt like I knew what I was doing for some of it! Thank goodness for a presentation on cystic fibrosis that I did a few months ago that's all I can say. I've decided that God was nice enough to give me lots of those questions cause I kind of knew what I was talking about there. Thank you!!! There seemed to be a million math questions but I don't really think I got more than anyone else usually does. I hope I did well. I'll keep you all posted in about 10-14 days!
So, after the NAPLEX I went to work because I'm broke and have bills due! When I got home after this miserably long day I was sitting down to check email and relax when I heard what sounded like pouring down rain. But, I knew it wasn't raining so I went to see what the heck was going on. Get this, the IDIOT neighbors that I have, apparently neglected to walk their dog today and he decided the patio was a good enough place to pee!! So, my patio door is wide open and I now have dog pee on my carpet and all over my patio. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME???? Who the heck does that kind of stuff?
I'm so angry about the entire situation that I'm thinking about moving to Maine earlier. Which just makes me cry because I'm not ready to leave boot camp yet. That's just one commitment for myself that I'd like to follow through on but I don't know how much more of this I can take. Despite my love of boot camp and the tears running down my face just thinking about leaving, I can't deal with being angry all the time when I'm home. Can't I just have normal people living around me? (Here's where I hear my boss go "Welcome to Worcester!" Sigh.)
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Born Country
Yesterday I was driving across town to meet a friend for dinner when I realized, I'm going to have to relearn how to drive when I move. Now, for those of you who don't live in Massachusetts or have never been to Massachusetts or have never met someone who has driven through Massachusetts let me just fill you in a bit. They call drivers in Massachusetts "Massholes." Just think of it this way, rudeness + aggression = Massholes. And after living here for three years, I'm sure I've picked up a lot of that. You almost have to in order to survive driving in this state. Don't be surprised when you get cut off by a mini cooper even if you're in a semi. And do NOT floor the gas pedal when the light turns green. Chances are at least one car will go through the red light.
That being said, when I move to Maine where life is a whole lot slower, I've got to remember yellow lights mean slow down, not hit the gas. The person in front of me is going to stop, not keep going. Horns are not a means of communication in any other state, well, most other states. And 75 is not the new 65. This is going to take some getting used to again.
What won't take getting used to is the quiet. I can't wait to not hear radios blasting from cars or the neighbors apartment. I can't wait to be able to hear the birds and the tree frogs. Okay, so if I get up in the middle of the night I hear the tree frogs here and the birds are pretty persistent anywhere but I won't have the revving of motors and screaming neighbors competing with the sounds of nature. It'll be nice to go for a walk and not smell diesel fuel. Then again, I'm going to have to get used to the smell of mud flats and bait! EWWW!
As the song says, "I was born country and this country's what I love" but I'm ready to be out of the city and just come back to visit every few weeks. My friend asked me last night what it was that I'd miss the most about living here in this city. I said "Boot camp." His reply, "Then I know you're crazy and belong up there in Maine!" Does that mean he thinks all people in Maine are crazy? I guess they are Mainiacs, right?
Born Country by Alabama
Clear creeks and cool mountain mornin's.
Honest work out in the fields.
Cornbread in my momma's kitchen.
Daddy saying grace before the meal.
Family ties run deep in this land.
And I'm never very far from what I am.
I was born country and that's what I'll always be.
Like the rivers and the woodlands wild and free.
I got a hundred years of down home running through my blood.
I was born country and this country's what I love.
Moonlight and you here beside me.
Crickets serenadin' in the yard.
What more could two people ask for.
Laying here in love beneath the stars.
Now this is where I wanna raise my kids.
Just the way my mom and daddy did.
I was born country and that's what I'll always be.
Like the rivers and the woodlands wild and free.
I got a hundred years of down home running through my blood.
I was born country and this country's what I love.
I was born country and that's what I'll always be.
Like the rivers and the woodlands wild and free.
I got a hundred years of down home running through my blood.
I was born country and this country's what I love.
I was born country
That being said, when I move to Maine where life is a whole lot slower, I've got to remember yellow lights mean slow down, not hit the gas. The person in front of me is going to stop, not keep going. Horns are not a means of communication in any other state, well, most other states. And 75 is not the new 65. This is going to take some getting used to again.
What won't take getting used to is the quiet. I can't wait to not hear radios blasting from cars or the neighbors apartment. I can't wait to be able to hear the birds and the tree frogs. Okay, so if I get up in the middle of the night I hear the tree frogs here and the birds are pretty persistent anywhere but I won't have the revving of motors and screaming neighbors competing with the sounds of nature. It'll be nice to go for a walk and not smell diesel fuel. Then again, I'm going to have to get used to the smell of mud flats and bait! EWWW!
As the song says, "I was born country and this country's what I love" but I'm ready to be out of the city and just come back to visit every few weeks. My friend asked me last night what it was that I'd miss the most about living here in this city. I said "Boot camp." His reply, "Then I know you're crazy and belong up there in Maine!" Does that mean he thinks all people in Maine are crazy? I guess they are Mainiacs, right?
Born Country by Alabama
Clear creeks and cool mountain mornin's.
Honest work out in the fields.
Cornbread in my momma's kitchen.
Daddy saying grace before the meal.
Family ties run deep in this land.
And I'm never very far from what I am.
I was born country and that's what I'll always be.
Like the rivers and the woodlands wild and free.
I got a hundred years of down home running through my blood.
I was born country and this country's what I love.
Moonlight and you here beside me.
Crickets serenadin' in the yard.
What more could two people ask for.
Laying here in love beneath the stars.
Now this is where I wanna raise my kids.
Just the way my mom and daddy did.
I was born country and that's what I'll always be.
Like the rivers and the woodlands wild and free.
I got a hundred years of down home running through my blood.
I was born country and this country's what I love.
I was born country and that's what I'll always be.
Like the rivers and the woodlands wild and free.
I got a hundred years of down home running through my blood.
I was born country and this country's what I love.
I was born country
Monday, July 28, 2008
The Secrets We Keep
I'm starting to believe that even the most innocent, boring adult has secrets that would shock their closest friends. Secrets that may have even shocked themselves. Maybe this is why they seem so quiet and innocent.
I was at a friend's house last night for dinner and games and my friend made the comment (about me) that it's the quiet ones you have to watch out for. He knows my secrets. I know his. We've both shook our heads at the other person when we heard what the other has done in our lifetimes. But, we're still friends and we didn't judge each other by what we did. Okay, we certainly have learned a lot about the other person when these secrets were revealed but the fact that we can deal with them, move on and still be friends is pretty amazing in my mind. Why? Because I know what I've done and I'm no sure I'd be friends with me! Because it would firmly place me in the category of "one of THOSE people" and I wouldn't want that drama in my life. But people change, sometimes for the worse but not always. I had a couple rough years. You might call it hitting my teen years a little late. A little rebellion against society (and no it wasn't illegal, well, in most states). But it was definitely out of the norm for me. My friends who knew me before and during those two years tell me I should write a book. One likes to tell me my life was just like a really bad Lifetime movie and that I should write a movie about it. I told him I'm sure it's been done.
Which makes me wonder. If we all have secrets, but the "movies" already been done, just why are these things so shocking? I've lost at least one friend over what I've done. Haven't heard a word from him in over three years. But, we're human. We all make stupid choices. Thankfully I've learned from mine and it's cost me a lot. Not just the friendships but it took its toll on my faith in myself. Two years later, I'm still working on that. I'm amazed at just how many of the pieces I've picked up and fit back together in just the last eight to ten months! Life is good as they say.
What's even better is finding a friend I can confide in, who hopefully will not judge me too harshly once she's heard the whole story. Because, while the pieces are starting to fall back together, there are a few that are, oh, pretty well shattered. When I was in second grade I played Humpty Dumpty in a play and I remember after my first relationship fell apart, telling the next person in my life that the shell holding me together was pretty fragile, let's not try to see what happens if it breaks. But he had to push and just like Humpty Dumpty, all the pieces couldn't be put back together again. Maybe I'll just fit a few new ones in place of the old ones. Hopefully, I won't build a new wall to sit on and watch life go by. Hmmm, I'm pretty sure I haven't done that. In fact, it seems I've jumped head first into my life lately. And I'm liking what I see...
I was at a friend's house last night for dinner and games and my friend made the comment (about me) that it's the quiet ones you have to watch out for. He knows my secrets. I know his. We've both shook our heads at the other person when we heard what the other has done in our lifetimes. But, we're still friends and we didn't judge each other by what we did. Okay, we certainly have learned a lot about the other person when these secrets were revealed but the fact that we can deal with them, move on and still be friends is pretty amazing in my mind. Why? Because I know what I've done and I'm no sure I'd be friends with me! Because it would firmly place me in the category of "one of THOSE people" and I wouldn't want that drama in my life. But people change, sometimes for the worse but not always. I had a couple rough years. You might call it hitting my teen years a little late. A little rebellion against society (and no it wasn't illegal, well, in most states). But it was definitely out of the norm for me. My friends who knew me before and during those two years tell me I should write a book. One likes to tell me my life was just like a really bad Lifetime movie and that I should write a movie about it. I told him I'm sure it's been done.
Which makes me wonder. If we all have secrets, but the "movies" already been done, just why are these things so shocking? I've lost at least one friend over what I've done. Haven't heard a word from him in over three years. But, we're human. We all make stupid choices. Thankfully I've learned from mine and it's cost me a lot. Not just the friendships but it took its toll on my faith in myself. Two years later, I'm still working on that. I'm amazed at just how many of the pieces I've picked up and fit back together in just the last eight to ten months! Life is good as they say.
What's even better is finding a friend I can confide in, who hopefully will not judge me too harshly once she's heard the whole story. Because, while the pieces are starting to fall back together, there are a few that are, oh, pretty well shattered. When I was in second grade I played Humpty Dumpty in a play and I remember after my first relationship fell apart, telling the next person in my life that the shell holding me together was pretty fragile, let's not try to see what happens if it breaks. But he had to push and just like Humpty Dumpty, all the pieces couldn't be put back together again. Maybe I'll just fit a few new ones in place of the old ones. Hopefully, I won't build a new wall to sit on and watch life go by. Hmmm, I'm pretty sure I haven't done that. In fact, it seems I've jumped head first into my life lately. And I'm liking what I see...
Saturday, July 26, 2008
When the Sand Runs Out
Here's the words to the song that I titled my blog after. It's by Rascal Flatts.
I spent the morning at an old friend's grave
Flowers and Amazing Grace, he was a good man
He spent his whole life spinnin' his wheels
Never knowin' how the real thing feels
He never took a chance or took the time to dance
And I stood there thinking as I said goodbye
Today's the first day of the rest of my life
I'm gonna stop lookin' back and start movin' on
And learn how to face my fears
Love with all of my heart, make my mark
I wanna leave something here
Go out on a ledge, with out any net
That's what I'm gonna be about
Yeah I wanna be runnin'
When the sand runs out
'Cause people do it everyday
Promise themselves they're gonna change
I've been there, but I'm changin' from the inside out
That was then and this is now
I'm a new man, yeah, I'm a brand new man
And when they carve my stone they'll write these words
"Here lies a man who lived life for all that its worth"
I'm gonna stop lookin' back and start movin' on
Learn how to face my fears
Love with all of my heart, make my mark
I wanna leave something here
Go out on a ledge, with out any net
That's what I'm gonna be about
Yeah I wanna be runnin'
When the sand runs out
And as a cold wind blows across the grave yard
I think I hear the voice of my old friend whisper in my ear
I'm gonna stop lookin' back and start movin' on
Learn how to face my fears
Love with all of my heart, make my mark
I wanna leave something here
Go out on a ledge, with out any net
That's what I'm gonna be about
Yeah I wanna be runnin'
When the sand runs out
Wanna be runnin'
When the sand runs out mmmm
Yes I do
I spent the morning at an old friend's grave
Flowers and Amazing Grace, he was a good man
He spent his whole life spinnin' his wheels
Never knowin' how the real thing feels
He never took a chance or took the time to dance
And I stood there thinking as I said goodbye
Today's the first day of the rest of my life
I'm gonna stop lookin' back and start movin' on
And learn how to face my fears
Love with all of my heart, make my mark
I wanna leave something here
Go out on a ledge, with out any net
That's what I'm gonna be about
Yeah I wanna be runnin'
When the sand runs out
'Cause people do it everyday
Promise themselves they're gonna change
I've been there, but I'm changin' from the inside out
That was then and this is now
I'm a new man, yeah, I'm a brand new man
And when they carve my stone they'll write these words
"Here lies a man who lived life for all that its worth"
I'm gonna stop lookin' back and start movin' on
Learn how to face my fears
Love with all of my heart, make my mark
I wanna leave something here
Go out on a ledge, with out any net
That's what I'm gonna be about
Yeah I wanna be runnin'
When the sand runs out
And as a cold wind blows across the grave yard
I think I hear the voice of my old friend whisper in my ear
I'm gonna stop lookin' back and start movin' on
Learn how to face my fears
Love with all of my heart, make my mark
I wanna leave something here
Go out on a ledge, with out any net
That's what I'm gonna be about
Yeah I wanna be runnin'
When the sand runs out
Wanna be runnin'
When the sand runs out mmmm
Yes I do
To Be Honest. . .
I decided to get up and go for a run this morning and as I'm driving to the trail where I wanted to run I met someone else running. Now, it was 6:30 in the morning but he's running down a two lane highway in the MIDDLE of the road. And when he sees me coming, instead of getting over to the side of the road he's supposed to get on he crosses to the other side (without looking) and after I passed him, he goes back to running in the middle of the road. What the heck? And as if that wasn't weird enough, on my way home I met another person running down the middle of another road. Really people, didn't you ever learn what it meant to stay on the SIDE of the road?
Anyway, that wasn't why I sat down to write this blog. Well, other than the comment that I got up and went for a run this morning. On my own. It's Saturday. There's no boot camp today and six months ago you wouldn't have caught me thinking about running anywhere without someone making me do it. So the fact that I got up with that purpose in mind is quiet impressive. Okay, maybe just to me but anyway. . .
I wanted to get out to the trail before anyone else did. I'm still not impressed with the idea of running with other people around unless I know the other people. And hey, I ran an entire mile without stopping. Not really sure how long that took because I had shorts on with no pockets and I had 1) a bottle of water, 2) car keys, and 3) the cell phone with the clock on it. I chose the first two thinking they'd be more important than the cell phone as it's a pretty busy trail. If something happened someone would come along (and sure enough someone did--not that anything happened). Okay, I'm rambling again. . .
The reason I was wondering if I could even run a mile without stopping is because somewhere in her brilliant mind my trainer seems to think I should sign up for a triathlon next summer. My email reply to that was, "Triathlon! Are you crazy???" But I have to be honest. I got into this whole fitness thing when coworkers were running 6K's in New Mexico and I was huffing and puffing my way down a 2 mile walk. I knew then that it was time to do something about this. And I always thought it'd be kind of cool to be a runner.
I hadn't really given competitive running much thought though. Not that I'd be running to compete against anyone but myself but I still hadn't thought about it much. Until this summer. Alexis, one of my trainers, was competing in a triathlon that looked like it'd be an amazing course just to see. I love walks through historic, old towns and beautiful country and it kind of reminded me of something like that. Then, when I was in Maine for the 4th of July I found out (well, I already knew about it. I was reminded of it.) they do a 10K walk/run called the Stonington Six (not sure where the name came from). But my whole reason for going to Maine on the 4th is to play in the community band since I rarely get to play my flute these days and I never play my piccolo anymore. So when I went to the Stonington Six race that morning I only walked the "fun run" part of the race which was about two miles maybe. The whole time I was thinking, maybe next year I could run this race. That'd be kind of cool. But, then that other voice in my head goes, "you might miss playing in the band if you did that." Well, let's just say after the disappointing band this year, I don't think I'd mind missing it next year. So, hopefully next year on the 4th of July you can catch me running/walking the full course for the Stonington Six.
Now, back to this triathlon thing. I think Alexis is getting early onset Alzheimer's or something (by the way, Happy Birthday, Alexis!). Either that or she's just loosing her mind in general. :-) Just kidding. To be honest, like I said, I'd been thinking it'd be kind of cool to run in a race. But bicycle and swimming?? I can doggie paddle! I'd have to find a pool in Maine because even if I live 3/10 of a mile from a lake I'm not swimming in it during the winter and heck if I'm setting foot in the north Atlantic either!! Brrr! And that bicycle thing, I did get my bike out earlier this summer for the first time in a year. I had to walk it up a hill about a mile into the ride. Yeah, gotta work on that one. So, Alexis, wanna come to Maine and train me? It's a beautiful place to ride if you don't mind putting your life into the hands of the lunatic drivers up there! But maybe. . . We'll see.
Anyway, that wasn't why I sat down to write this blog. Well, other than the comment that I got up and went for a run this morning. On my own. It's Saturday. There's no boot camp today and six months ago you wouldn't have caught me thinking about running anywhere without someone making me do it. So the fact that I got up with that purpose in mind is quiet impressive. Okay, maybe just to me but anyway. . .
I wanted to get out to the trail before anyone else did. I'm still not impressed with the idea of running with other people around unless I know the other people. And hey, I ran an entire mile without stopping. Not really sure how long that took because I had shorts on with no pockets and I had 1) a bottle of water, 2) car keys, and 3) the cell phone with the clock on it. I chose the first two thinking they'd be more important than the cell phone as it's a pretty busy trail. If something happened someone would come along (and sure enough someone did--not that anything happened). Okay, I'm rambling again. . .
The reason I was wondering if I could even run a mile without stopping is because somewhere in her brilliant mind my trainer seems to think I should sign up for a triathlon next summer. My email reply to that was, "Triathlon! Are you crazy???" But I have to be honest. I got into this whole fitness thing when coworkers were running 6K's in New Mexico and I was huffing and puffing my way down a 2 mile walk. I knew then that it was time to do something about this. And I always thought it'd be kind of cool to be a runner.
I hadn't really given competitive running much thought though. Not that I'd be running to compete against anyone but myself but I still hadn't thought about it much. Until this summer. Alexis, one of my trainers, was competing in a triathlon that looked like it'd be an amazing course just to see. I love walks through historic, old towns and beautiful country and it kind of reminded me of something like that. Then, when I was in Maine for the 4th of July I found out (well, I already knew about it. I was reminded of it.) they do a 10K walk/run called the Stonington Six (not sure where the name came from). But my whole reason for going to Maine on the 4th is to play in the community band since I rarely get to play my flute these days and I never play my piccolo anymore. So when I went to the Stonington Six race that morning I only walked the "fun run" part of the race which was about two miles maybe. The whole time I was thinking, maybe next year I could run this race. That'd be kind of cool. But, then that other voice in my head goes, "you might miss playing in the band if you did that." Well, let's just say after the disappointing band this year, I don't think I'd mind missing it next year. So, hopefully next year on the 4th of July you can catch me running/walking the full course for the Stonington Six.
Now, back to this triathlon thing. I think Alexis is getting early onset Alzheimer's or something (by the way, Happy Birthday, Alexis!). Either that or she's just loosing her mind in general. :-) Just kidding. To be honest, like I said, I'd been thinking it'd be kind of cool to run in a race. But bicycle and swimming?? I can doggie paddle! I'd have to find a pool in Maine because even if I live 3/10 of a mile from a lake I'm not swimming in it during the winter and heck if I'm setting foot in the north Atlantic either!! Brrr! And that bicycle thing, I did get my bike out earlier this summer for the first time in a year. I had to walk it up a hill about a mile into the ride. Yeah, gotta work on that one. So, Alexis, wanna come to Maine and train me? It's a beautiful place to ride if you don't mind putting your life into the hands of the lunatic drivers up there! But maybe. . . We'll see.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Easy Living
Sometimes I wonder why life is so difficult. Why can't we just live and let other people live? Why can't we all just get along? And when we are getting along so well, what happens to change that? Then I realize there are things called emotions and that's where all hell breaks loose and life becomes difficult. Here's a few examples I see both in my own life and in the world.
This moving to Maine thing was an easy decision for me to make but it's made some things in my life sort of difficult. I get up every morning to attend an exercise program called boot camp here in town and I LOVE IT!! It is often the highlight of my day just because I feel like I've accomplished something good before most of the world is even up. But I've grown attached to the people who run the camp and a few of the other participants. I will desperately miss these people and despite the pending move still being over five months away, I cry most days thinking about leaving them behind. I feel a little torn about the whole situation. I'll be happy to be living around family for the first time in my life but I will miss the people who have become my family here. Those darn emotions. If I'd just not become attached to people this wouldn't be a problem. But like I said before, I will definitely be back to visit.
Then on a larger scale we have things like wars and immigration issues that make life difficult. A person is only free to do what they'd like or say what they'd like basically in their own head. Even in "The Land of the Free" saying the wrong thing in the wrong place can get you thrown in jail or, worse, killed. Why is that? Because people seem to think their way of thinking is the only way to think. It's like the churches that think if you don't belong to this church you're going to hell. I don't believe that. I don't believe that any one person or any one church is perfectly right about, well, anything. Why does my government tell other countries who can and cannot live here when we ourselves are a nation of immigrants? I mean we did come over here and nearly wipe out the native people so who are we to tell other immigrants that they can't be a part of our country? (Wouldn't it be cool to have a Native American president. . . ) But we don't want more poor people here so we only allow the rich people from other countries into ours. You would think that if the government doesn't like having all these poor people around that they'd do something about the ones they've already got living here. But what do I know. I'm not a fan of politicians at the moment.
But anyways, let's get back to the beginning of how this blog even entered my mind. I was in the shower this morning and a song came on called "I'm a Mo'fo' Genius Because I've Got the Answer to World Peace." It's by this amazing transgender spoken word artist Athen's Boy Choir. I saw him live. He's great! He has no problem telling you straight up how he sees things. And he makes it sound so easy. These are the word (as best as I can get them while listening to the song) but I love, love, LOVE this song. You'll have to excuse the language but seriously I think in this case it might just be necessary.
I wanna write about politics
See I wanna write about politics
but to tell you the truth I can't even watch let alone keep up with the news
those crimson hews gets alluded in living rooms too far removed
so you see I wanna watch the news
but images of blown up kids have lost their shock value
and when you can see those pictures and not cry
suffice it to say you've been desensitized
suffice it to say I've been desensitized
see my grandma wished on falling starts
to see the end of falling bombs
and at just 26, well at just 26,
I've already witnessed two wars in the Middle East
that mysterious place overseas
over seen are we, those that disagree
and at not yet 30, well at not yet 30,
yes, at not yet 30,
I'm a mother fucking genius
'cause at not yet 30, I got the answer to world peace
and you know what?
it's beautiful in its simplicity
it's as easy as this. . .
stop blowing up shit
that's it.
stop blowing up shit
stop pulling the trigger that triggers more fingers on buttons of destruction
'cause you see,
the same stories been spun since histories begun
and we need evolution in these revolutions
what we need is to stop blowing up shit
Hell, I know Jesus didn't arise after being crucified for smart bombs
ain't nothing genius or clean about TNT
doesn't take a prodigy to count civilian casualties
and I ain't that quick
but I know enough to say
we gotta stop blowing up shit
hell
we're already in danger of apocalypse of the human spirit
and we are more alike than we are different
more resilient than we know
and more fragile than we care to admit
so that's it
stop blowing up shit
stop shooting up villages
stop killin' kids
and if you must have war
if you gotta, need it, have it now
a war
well then hell,
that's what virtual reality is for
(insert Mario Bros. music here)
alright check this out
in the same what that Dance Dance Revolution is this kick ass cardio work out
we'll set up computer scenarios and set up platoons of Luigis and Marios
Donkey Kong can be in charge of missiles and bombs
and all the Ms. Pacmans will join hands
and finally bring that front line a mother fucking feminine side
and I know it sounds silly
but it's no more silly than blowing up buildings
so we can feel all good about rebuilding them buildings
right?
we have the technology to fight this war on computer screens
the same way we have the language skills to write up them peace treaties
so that soldier's mothers don't have to be afraid of the phone
so that shell-shocked citizens don't really in reality loose their homes
so we don't have to identify bodies by DNA and dentals
so the death toll is just a number
a computer code
see, sometimes I find myself wishing on shooting stars
to see the end of shooting guns
and the beginning of something different
This moving to Maine thing was an easy decision for me to make but it's made some things in my life sort of difficult. I get up every morning to attend an exercise program called boot camp here in town and I LOVE IT!! It is often the highlight of my day just because I feel like I've accomplished something good before most of the world is even up. But I've grown attached to the people who run the camp and a few of the other participants. I will desperately miss these people and despite the pending move still being over five months away, I cry most days thinking about leaving them behind. I feel a little torn about the whole situation. I'll be happy to be living around family for the first time in my life but I will miss the people who have become my family here. Those darn emotions. If I'd just not become attached to people this wouldn't be a problem. But like I said before, I will definitely be back to visit.
Then on a larger scale we have things like wars and immigration issues that make life difficult. A person is only free to do what they'd like or say what they'd like basically in their own head. Even in "The Land of the Free" saying the wrong thing in the wrong place can get you thrown in jail or, worse, killed. Why is that? Because people seem to think their way of thinking is the only way to think. It's like the churches that think if you don't belong to this church you're going to hell. I don't believe that. I don't believe that any one person or any one church is perfectly right about, well, anything. Why does my government tell other countries who can and cannot live here when we ourselves are a nation of immigrants? I mean we did come over here and nearly wipe out the native people so who are we to tell other immigrants that they can't be a part of our country? (Wouldn't it be cool to have a Native American president. . . ) But we don't want more poor people here so we only allow the rich people from other countries into ours. You would think that if the government doesn't like having all these poor people around that they'd do something about the ones they've already got living here. But what do I know. I'm not a fan of politicians at the moment.
But anyways, let's get back to the beginning of how this blog even entered my mind. I was in the shower this morning and a song came on called "I'm a Mo'fo' Genius Because I've Got the Answer to World Peace." It's by this amazing transgender spoken word artist Athen's Boy Choir. I saw him live. He's great! He has no problem telling you straight up how he sees things. And he makes it sound so easy. These are the word (as best as I can get them while listening to the song) but I love, love, LOVE this song. You'll have to excuse the language but seriously I think in this case it might just be necessary.
I wanna write about politics
See I wanna write about politics
but to tell you the truth I can't even watch let alone keep up with the news
those crimson hews gets alluded in living rooms too far removed
so you see I wanna watch the news
but images of blown up kids have lost their shock value
and when you can see those pictures and not cry
suffice it to say you've been desensitized
suffice it to say I've been desensitized
see my grandma wished on falling starts
to see the end of falling bombs
and at just 26, well at just 26,
I've already witnessed two wars in the Middle East
that mysterious place overseas
over seen are we, those that disagree
and at not yet 30, well at not yet 30,
yes, at not yet 30,
I'm a mother fucking genius
'cause at not yet 30, I got the answer to world peace
and you know what?
it's beautiful in its simplicity
it's as easy as this. . .
stop blowing up shit
that's it.
stop blowing up shit
stop pulling the trigger that triggers more fingers on buttons of destruction
'cause you see,
the same stories been spun since histories begun
and we need evolution in these revolutions
what we need is to stop blowing up shit
Hell, I know Jesus didn't arise after being crucified for smart bombs
ain't nothing genius or clean about TNT
doesn't take a prodigy to count civilian casualties
and I ain't that quick
but I know enough to say
we gotta stop blowing up shit
hell
we're already in danger of apocalypse of the human spirit
and we are more alike than we are different
more resilient than we know
and more fragile than we care to admit
so that's it
stop blowing up shit
stop shooting up villages
stop killin' kids
and if you must have war
if you gotta, need it, have it now
a war
well then hell,
that's what virtual reality is for
(insert Mario Bros. music here)
alright check this out
in the same what that Dance Dance Revolution is this kick ass cardio work out
we'll set up computer scenarios and set up platoons of Luigis and Marios
Donkey Kong can be in charge of missiles and bombs
and all the Ms. Pacmans will join hands
and finally bring that front line a mother fucking feminine side
and I know it sounds silly
but it's no more silly than blowing up buildings
so we can feel all good about rebuilding them buildings
right?
we have the technology to fight this war on computer screens
the same way we have the language skills to write up them peace treaties
so that soldier's mothers don't have to be afraid of the phone
so that shell-shocked citizens don't really in reality loose their homes
so we don't have to identify bodies by DNA and dentals
so the death toll is just a number
a computer code
see, sometimes I find myself wishing on shooting stars
to see the end of shooting guns
and the beginning of something different
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Movin' On Down
I often am amazed at the plans God makes for us even when we don't realize what's going on. Like I said in a previous blog, I just returned from Maine after an amazing week at camp. I got home and wanted nothing more than to be back in Maine at the campgrounds soaking up the songs of the phoebe's and ducks and trying to catch a glimpse of that mysterious black bear who made an appearance during the week.
The day after I got home, I went to my mailbox and had a letter from Rite Aid, my employer, and wondered what they wanted now. Little did I know I held my future in my hands. As I opened it up and started reading this is what I saw "Dear Stacie, Enjoy what Maine has to offer! Summers are filled with festivals, going to the beach, hiking in the mountains and fishing by the rivers. The winter experience is one of the best around with unlimited skiing, snowboarding, snowmobiling, and sledding. Let Rite Aid help you enjoy the best the seasons have to offer through a temporary or a relocation package to this beautiful area." It goes on to list a dozen Rite Aid stores in Maine that are in desperate need of pharmacists. The very first one is where my grandma gets her prescriptions filled. It's a store I'd been in twice during the week while I was in Maine.
I got that letter on Saturday. On Monday morning I emailed the person in the letter and by noon on Monday I'd made the (more than likely life-changing) decision to move to Maine. I'm not leaving right away. I'd like to finish out a year at boot camp and hopefully ingrain exercise into my life habits. I'll move around the holidays. Hopefully I can find somewhere to live but there's good news: Rite Aid will pay for temporary living or I can stay with family. I'm not sure my cats would enjoy the living with family as grandma has a cat too but you do what you gotta do, right?
I know just by going to Maine I won't get the warm fuzzy feelings back that I have when I'm at camp up there but I know that I'll be much less lonely living among family and many friends! I will greatly miss my friends here but that just gives me plenty of reason to come back and visit on long weekends! And hopefully my friends will feel welcome at my house to come visit any time they'd like. Maine is a beautiful place so even if I'm at work during the day, my friends can go exploring.
So, looks like things are moving and shaking and I'm movin' on down to the coast of Maine. Funny how childhood dreams take 30+ years to become reality. But God's always got something in mind and if I hadn't lived the last several years the way I had, I wouldn't be here now with this amazing opportunity in front of me. I can't wait to see where this path leads me.
The day after I got home, I went to my mailbox and had a letter from Rite Aid, my employer, and wondered what they wanted now. Little did I know I held my future in my hands. As I opened it up and started reading this is what I saw "Dear Stacie, Enjoy what Maine has to offer! Summers are filled with festivals, going to the beach, hiking in the mountains and fishing by the rivers. The winter experience is one of the best around with unlimited skiing, snowboarding, snowmobiling, and sledding. Let Rite Aid help you enjoy the best the seasons have to offer through a temporary or a relocation package to this beautiful area." It goes on to list a dozen Rite Aid stores in Maine that are in desperate need of pharmacists. The very first one is where my grandma gets her prescriptions filled. It's a store I'd been in twice during the week while I was in Maine.
I got that letter on Saturday. On Monday morning I emailed the person in the letter and by noon on Monday I'd made the (more than likely life-changing) decision to move to Maine. I'm not leaving right away. I'd like to finish out a year at boot camp and hopefully ingrain exercise into my life habits. I'll move around the holidays. Hopefully I can find somewhere to live but there's good news: Rite Aid will pay for temporary living or I can stay with family. I'm not sure my cats would enjoy the living with family as grandma has a cat too but you do what you gotta do, right?
I know just by going to Maine I won't get the warm fuzzy feelings back that I have when I'm at camp up there but I know that I'll be much less lonely living among family and many friends! I will greatly miss my friends here but that just gives me plenty of reason to come back and visit on long weekends! And hopefully my friends will feel welcome at my house to come visit any time they'd like. Maine is a beautiful place so even if I'm at work during the day, my friends can go exploring.
So, looks like things are moving and shaking and I'm movin' on down to the coast of Maine. Funny how childhood dreams take 30+ years to become reality. But God's always got something in mind and if I hadn't lived the last several years the way I had, I wouldn't be here now with this amazing opportunity in front of me. I can't wait to see where this path leads me.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Borders
You know, I've done a lot of traveling in the US and have come to realize that poverty is not across the ocean on some far away continent in some dessert community. Poverty is here in our backyard, waiting for the same humanitarian efforts that have become worldwide movements to save the oppressed of foreign countries. It's really bothered me to hear everyone talk about how we need to save Darfur. (I say this while wearing a grean "Not on our watch. SaveDarfur.org" bracelet.) I'm not saying that the people in Darfur are less important at all. We're all children of the same God and every life is valuable in his eyes. What I see is borders causing a huge problem. If we got rid of the borders and had one global community, one human race, instead of the multitude of differences that separate us, we could concentrate on the fact that we're all humans, all worthy of living life, finding peace, and exploring our world without worrying about where our next meal will come from, who is around the next corner waiting to rape us, mutilate us, tear us down or worse, and where we'll sleep at night.
I see the struggle of the Native Americans as equal to that of the people of Darfur. They're a people abandoned, tormented and even forgotten by the rest of the human race. But again, we're all humans. We're all entitled to a roof over our head, the love of a family and friends, the feeling of a full stomach and a warm smile from a stranger. The people of Darfur have been displaced and no longer have any of these things. The people of Pine Ridge may or may not have the love of family and friends. They may share the roof over their head with 20 or more other people and there may be no windows in the walls when the windchill hits well below zero.
And here I sit, in front of my MAC computer, with my air conditioning on, staring at my green Save Darfur bracelet wondering what in the world this world has come to. John Lennon's song "Imagine" runs through the back of my mind and I wonder if that's a possibility. Wouldn't it be nice. . .
I see the struggle of the Native Americans as equal to that of the people of Darfur. They're a people abandoned, tormented and even forgotten by the rest of the human race. But again, we're all humans. We're all entitled to a roof over our head, the love of a family and friends, the feeling of a full stomach and a warm smile from a stranger. The people of Darfur have been displaced and no longer have any of these things. The people of Pine Ridge may or may not have the love of family and friends. They may share the roof over their head with 20 or more other people and there may be no windows in the walls when the windchill hits well below zero.
And here I sit, in front of my MAC computer, with my air conditioning on, staring at my green Save Darfur bracelet wondering what in the world this world has come to. John Lennon's song "Imagine" runs through the back of my mind and I wonder if that's a possibility. Wouldn't it be nice. . .
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Vacation and Homesickness
Well, I've just returned from Brooksville, Maine where I've spent the last week at an amazing camp (Winneaugwamauk). Ever since the day I was born I've been going to this camp almost every summer but with school being year round the last three years I hadn't been to Reunion for awhile. It wasn't as big as the Reunions were when I grew up. There weren't many people my age there and there wasn't quite as much organization as there used to be. Things were different that's for sure but I have to say I had an absolutely amazing week. The culmination of several experiences resulted in one of the best Reunions I've been to.
First, I got to see people I hadn't seen in several years and get reacquainted with them. Some of them have children now. All of us had grown and matured since the last time I'd been there.
Second, I got to spend the entire week on the grounds. I slept in the motel. I studied in the motel (for the NAPLEX). I ate breakfast in the old dining hall. I spent evenings worshiping in the tabernacle and I sang in the choir. Little things that I didn't really think were all that big of a deal but they helped me refocus on life.
I also had the chance to go to an amazing Native American flute performance in neighboring Castine. If you ever have the chance to see Hawk Henries play you should definitely go! It was at a great museum in Castine, the Wilson Museum, which overlooks the water and you can watch the sailboats go by as you listen to Hawk play. He also told stories and so many reminded me of Section 163 in the Doctorine in Covenants that I wanted to share it with him but I myself was playing my own Native American flute that evening and didn't get much chance to chat with him after the show.
Another amazing opportunity I had this week was spending two mornings with Becky Savage, a member of the First Presidency of my church. She's the first woman president of the Community of Christ church that I belong to and I've never met a more down-to-earth person in my life. Well, maybe I have but I didn't expect someone in the First Presidency to be so open to letting me drag her around the coast of Maine! The first morning I spent with her, she asked that I walk her around the campgrounds and show her some of the sites. So I walked her out to the point where there's a great view of the lake and surrounding forest. I took her over to the well where my grandfather held up the head of his dying friend when the well they were digging collapsed. I told her some of the history of the campgrounds as I knew it and I showed her some of the natural beauty around the grounds. Then we sat down and I showed her my photo books from my trips to the Zuni Indian Reservation and Pine Ridge Indian Reservation. I wanted so much to share more with her but my emotions were far too close to the surface this week and I was in no mood to cry through the whole story.
The following day I took Becky to Deer Isle. First stop, Pumpkin Island, a lighthouse just off the shore of Little Deer Isle just a couple hundred yards up the road from where The Man Without A Face was filmed. Then I drove over to my grandma's house and we stopped and chatted for a little while there. Then up to the blueberry field. How many people in my church can say they've gone blueberrying with the president? My mom and aunt were there and we showed Becky which blueberries were the best (the black ones!). After picking nearly 2/3 a quart of blueberries I offered Becky the choice to head back to the grounds or head down to Stonington, a pretty traditional fishing village. She picked Stonington and so off we went. I drove by all the C of Christ churches on the island, including the old one on the hill in Stonington (my favorite one). Then we went to a cute little gift shop right on the shore and I told her about Two Bush Island. (Okay, am I rambling yet?) So, I showed her a couple more places in Stonington and then we headed back to the grounds, stopping first for lunch at El El Frijoles (L.L. Beans in Spanish!), a little Mexican place on the mainland.
I had an amazing time with Becky! It didn't take much to see she is a very caring and gentle person, no wonder nursing was her chosen career! I hope very much that I'll have the opportunity to sit and talk with her again some day but the likelihood of that happening is pretty small being that my path doesn't very often cross the path of the First Presidency unless it's at World Conference when everyone is running in three directions at once it seems. Anyway, I very much appreciated Becky's gift of time, listening and friendship for the few hours I spent with her. She personifies the quote "Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend."
So, I drove home pretty much right after Reunion ended. As usual I cried at the end of the final service. WHY do they have to pick "Tell We Meet Again" as the final song? Gaw. That song will make me cry until the day I die! But as I got home the loneliness and homesickness feelings start. I miss the community we have while at Reunion. I miss the "family" that's always there. I miss the quiet and peace of the grounds. But mostly I miss feeling like I'm part of something. So now I'm home and feeling lost. My focus is gone and my thoughts are confused. I know going back to the campgrounds would bring some of the feelings of peace back but I also know that things in the real world will never be like they are at Reunion. I just can't figure out why they can't be.
First, I got to see people I hadn't seen in several years and get reacquainted with them. Some of them have children now. All of us had grown and matured since the last time I'd been there.
Second, I got to spend the entire week on the grounds. I slept in the motel. I studied in the motel (for the NAPLEX). I ate breakfast in the old dining hall. I spent evenings worshiping in the tabernacle and I sang in the choir. Little things that I didn't really think were all that big of a deal but they helped me refocus on life.
I also had the chance to go to an amazing Native American flute performance in neighboring Castine. If you ever have the chance to see Hawk Henries play you should definitely go! It was at a great museum in Castine, the Wilson Museum, which overlooks the water and you can watch the sailboats go by as you listen to Hawk play. He also told stories and so many reminded me of Section 163 in the Doctorine in Covenants that I wanted to share it with him but I myself was playing my own Native American flute that evening and didn't get much chance to chat with him after the show.
Another amazing opportunity I had this week was spending two mornings with Becky Savage, a member of the First Presidency of my church. She's the first woman president of the Community of Christ church that I belong to and I've never met a more down-to-earth person in my life. Well, maybe I have but I didn't expect someone in the First Presidency to be so open to letting me drag her around the coast of Maine! The first morning I spent with her, she asked that I walk her around the campgrounds and show her some of the sites. So I walked her out to the point where there's a great view of the lake and surrounding forest. I took her over to the well where my grandfather held up the head of his dying friend when the well they were digging collapsed. I told her some of the history of the campgrounds as I knew it and I showed her some of the natural beauty around the grounds. Then we sat down and I showed her my photo books from my trips to the Zuni Indian Reservation and Pine Ridge Indian Reservation. I wanted so much to share more with her but my emotions were far too close to the surface this week and I was in no mood to cry through the whole story.
The following day I took Becky to Deer Isle. First stop, Pumpkin Island, a lighthouse just off the shore of Little Deer Isle just a couple hundred yards up the road from where The Man Without A Face was filmed. Then I drove over to my grandma's house and we stopped and chatted for a little while there. Then up to the blueberry field. How many people in my church can say they've gone blueberrying with the president? My mom and aunt were there and we showed Becky which blueberries were the best (the black ones!). After picking nearly 2/3 a quart of blueberries I offered Becky the choice to head back to the grounds or head down to Stonington, a pretty traditional fishing village. She picked Stonington and so off we went. I drove by all the C of Christ churches on the island, including the old one on the hill in Stonington (my favorite one). Then we went to a cute little gift shop right on the shore and I told her about Two Bush Island. (Okay, am I rambling yet?) So, I showed her a couple more places in Stonington and then we headed back to the grounds, stopping first for lunch at El El Frijoles (L.L. Beans in Spanish!), a little Mexican place on the mainland.
I had an amazing time with Becky! It didn't take much to see she is a very caring and gentle person, no wonder nursing was her chosen career! I hope very much that I'll have the opportunity to sit and talk with her again some day but the likelihood of that happening is pretty small being that my path doesn't very often cross the path of the First Presidency unless it's at World Conference when everyone is running in three directions at once it seems. Anyway, I very much appreciated Becky's gift of time, listening and friendship for the few hours I spent with her. She personifies the quote "Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend."
So, I drove home pretty much right after Reunion ended. As usual I cried at the end of the final service. WHY do they have to pick "Tell We Meet Again" as the final song? Gaw. That song will make me cry until the day I die! But as I got home the loneliness and homesickness feelings start. I miss the community we have while at Reunion. I miss the "family" that's always there. I miss the quiet and peace of the grounds. But mostly I miss feeling like I'm part of something. So now I'm home and feeling lost. My focus is gone and my thoughts are confused. I know going back to the campgrounds would bring some of the feelings of peace back but I also know that things in the real world will never be like they are at Reunion. I just can't figure out why they can't be.
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