It's Official

Apparently I passed all my pharmacy exams because as of 5:00 this morning, I am licensed pharmacist #27626 in the state of Massachusetts. Yikes!

All in a Year's Time

It is quite amazing to see what all can change in a year's time. Babies are born. Jobs change. World travel happens (okay, not so much world travel but a lot of travel). Degrees are conferred. Honors are awarded. Exams are finished. Life starts anew on a daily basis.

A year ago yesterday, my two best friends and I were celebrating never having to take another final in pharmacy school (along with one of them having a birthday but we were more excited about not having more finals)! We were looking forward to, and dreading, the final year of pharmacy school which involved five rotations at different pharmacy settings. My first one not only was amazing for its location but it changed my life completely. Zuni, New Mexico. Indian Health Services. Located in the high desert of the American southwest, among the rattlesnakes and prickly pear cactus, I started a life changing process that is continuing to evolve. This is where I became most acutely aware of the past decisions I'd made and how they were effecting my life. Within days of coming home I'd taken the first step of a journey that feels like a million miles sometimes and signed up for my first boot camp. Forty-three pounds lighter today, I know I've still got a ways to go but I've truly enjoyed this journey. The taking off the pounds has been hard work but it's been more fun than the lonely nights of eating that put them on.

Today, just a year after celebrating no more finals, I've finished my licensing exams for the state of Massachusetts and if all goes well, meaning I've passed both of them, I'll be a licensed pharmacist in about a week. It's scary how much things have changed in the last year. There I was, terrified on my first rotation, hundreds of miles from home. And today, I'm just as terrified that I'm the one who will soon have the license, who'll soon have her own students wondering how on earth they'd landed where they had.

If all goes well, and even if it doesn't right now, eventually it'll all align, you may never guess where life may take me. Yes, I'm moving soon to a different state and my life will once again be a little shaken up but that's not necessarily a bad thing. A little shake up here and again is what keeps us grounded, keeps us knowing what the important things in life are. It's what it takes sometimes to realize where our roots are and who we can count on. It also gives us the chance to see just what we're made of. Do I have the strength to take off to a new place, leave behind the people I care about, and grow? I'm sure I do and we'll see how this next year changes my perspective on life. Who knows, triathlons, family, traveling? I'll have more stories to share in a year and, like it or not, life goes on with or without me. I'll be more than happy to jump in and see where we go from here.

Shopping Spree

It's been nine months (wow!) since I started going to boot camp in the morning. I've missed one month thanks to some moron who "didn't see me" when he was driving home and totaled my car but otherwise I've been to everyone of the other camps. Boot camp is this amazing exercise program at 5:30 in the morning and I go Monday through Friday. I love it. I think it's addictive. And I've met some amazing women. Yes, it's all women except for the one co-ed camp a year. It's been a lot of fun and it is the only, THE ONLY, reason I am still living here in Worcester right now. Thanks to the neighbors (see the previous blogs for that story) I'm ready to move now but the thought of leaving boot camp right now just absolutely kills me. I have no idea how I'm going to go the last day or how I'm going to say good bye to everyone. I cry just thinking about it already and I'm not leaving until December. That's also why I haven't said much to my trainer who wants me to do a triathlon. I can't see myself working with another trainer after I move and it kills me to think she's not going to be there cheering me on.

But I digress (what's new there). I mentioned boot camp because Friday was the last day of the most recent boot camp and it's been three months. Every three months I do what they call an assessment. One of the trainers weighs and measures me and I get actual numbers to show me what all this work has done for me. I was absolutely sure that these past three months, with graduation celebrations and several vacations, that I wouldn't have made it to the goal I was hoping to be at. In fact, I'd already resigned myself to the fact that I wasn't going to make it out of the obese category by my birthday which is my goal. So I was shocked when I stepped on the scale to see I'd lost 18 pounds in the last three months. EIGHTEEN! That did not sink it at all. Until I hit a red light about three blocks from home and I realized wow, I could actually do this! Later that day when I opened my email and looked at the results and compared it to when I first started last October, I added up all the numbers and I've lost 43 pounds and 23.75 inches. WOW! Now I can kind of see why people are starting to tell me I look good. (I'm still having trouble seeing it but hey, I'm happy for the compliments!) I can also see why NOTHING I OWN fits me anymore! NOTHING! Even my T-shirts are too big. Ugh. So, how do you buy a new wardrobe when you're broke? I guess that's were plastic comes in to save the day because at this point there is no getting around needing new clothes. It was a necessity. Well, it was that or dust off the sowing machine but I'm not THAT good! We're talking 3 pant sizes and size medium shirts. Do you know when I last wore medium shirts??? Me neither!! 5th, 6th grade?? I have no idea.

So, I bought a bunch of clothes, some of which are going back tomorrow because they're too big. When I came home I took a bunch of pictures of me in the new clothes and stuck them on MySpace and Facebook. I now have one friend telling me I should be a model. Thanks, Steve, but I've got a ways to go still. If I should happen to reach my ideal body weight, I literally will have lost half of me. I wonder where that other half goes?

Sometimes You're the Windshield, Sometimes You're the Bug

It's been a pretty rough couple of days. Yesterday I took my NAPLEX exam. That's the North American Pharmacy Licensing Exam. One of two tests that stand in the way of actually being a real pharmacist now that I have the degree. The thing is I have some pretty rude and obnoxious neighbors living above me. This test is a culmination of three years of graduate school and six years of undergrad work. It's a four hour test and it's all that stands between being able to pay back my very expensive school loans at this point. Needless to say, it's VERY STRESSFUL! I didn't work for the week before the test so that I could study. Two nights before the test I hardly slept. I was nervous, anxious and, frankly, a little freaked out. So, I went to bed at 10:30 the night before the test, with ear plugs in because I could already hear the neighbors making a bunch of noise. At 11:30 they woke me up but somehow I managed to get back to sleep fairly quickly. At 3 AM, I woke up again, not really sure why. I tend to wake up quite often during the night so I thought nothing of it other than taking out the earplugs because the longer I wear them the more my ears hurt. I figured by 3 AM the neighbors had gone to bed. Boy was I wrong. They were pounding around, making all sorts of noise. I was tempted to call the police (again) but figured by the time the police got there they'd have stopped the noise. Again, I was wrong. At 4 AM I think they passed out. Why do I think they passed out? Because when I got up at 4:45 AM there was a beer can on my patio and it reeked of alcohol out there. I was so angry that I couldn't even think straight. It's five hours until the NAPLEX!! Five hours until I see if three years and several thousands of dollars in debt are going to be worth all the blood, sweat and tears they caused me.

I'm not really sure how I managed it but I made it through the NAPLEX. I didn't yawn at all. I even sort of felt like I knew what I was doing for some of it! Thank goodness for a presentation on cystic fibrosis that I did a few months ago that's all I can say. I've decided that God was nice enough to give me lots of those questions cause I kind of knew what I was talking about there. Thank you!!! There seemed to be a million math questions but I don't really think I got more than anyone else usually does. I hope I did well. I'll keep you all posted in about 10-14 days!

So, after the NAPLEX I went to work because I'm broke and have bills due! When I got home after this miserably long day I was sitting down to check email and relax when I heard what sounded like pouring down rain. But, I knew it wasn't raining so I went to see what the heck was going on. Get this, the IDIOT neighbors that I have, apparently neglected to walk their dog today and he decided the patio was a good enough place to pee!! So, my patio door is wide open and I now have dog pee on my carpet and all over my patio. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME???? Who the heck does that kind of stuff?

I'm so angry about the entire situation that I'm thinking about moving to Maine earlier. Which just makes me cry because I'm not ready to leave boot camp yet. That's just one commitment for myself that I'd like to follow through on but I don't know how much more of this I can take. Despite my love of boot camp and the tears running down my face just thinking about leaving, I can't deal with being angry all the time when I'm home. Can't I just have normal people living around me? (Here's where I hear my boss go "Welcome to Worcester!" Sigh.)

Born Country

Yesterday I was driving across town to meet a friend for dinner when I realized, I'm going to have to relearn how to drive when I move. Now, for those of you who don't live in Massachusetts or have never been to Massachusetts or have never met someone who has driven through Massachusetts let me just fill you in a bit. They call drivers in Massachusetts "Massholes." Just think of it this way, rudeness + aggression = Massholes. And after living here for three years, I'm sure I've picked up a lot of that. You almost have to in order to survive driving in this state. Don't be surprised when you get cut off by a mini cooper even if you're in a semi. And do NOT floor the gas pedal when the light turns green. Chances are at least one car will go through the red light.

That being said, when I move to Maine where life is a whole lot slower, I've got to remember yellow lights mean slow down, not hit the gas. The person in front of me is going to stop, not keep going. Horns are not a means of communication in any other state, well, most other states. And 75 is not the new 65. This is going to take some getting used to again.

What won't take getting used to is the quiet. I can't wait to not hear radios blasting from cars or the neighbors apartment. I can't wait to be able to hear the birds and the tree frogs. Okay, so if I get up in the middle of the night I hear the tree frogs here and the birds are pretty persistent anywhere but I won't have the revving of motors and screaming neighbors competing with the sounds of nature. It'll be nice to go for a walk and not smell diesel fuel. Then again, I'm going to have to get used to the smell of mud flats and bait! EWWW!

As the song says, "I was born country and this country's what I love" but I'm ready to be out of the city and just come back to visit every few weeks. My friend asked me last night what it was that I'd miss the most about living here in this city. I said "Boot camp." His reply, "Then I know you're crazy and belong up there in Maine!" Does that mean he thinks all people in Maine are crazy? I guess they are Mainiacs, right?



Born Country by Alabama

Clear creeks and cool mountain mornin's.
Honest work out in the fields.
Cornbread in my momma's kitchen.
Daddy saying grace before the meal.
Family ties run deep in this land.
And I'm never very far from what I am.

I was born country and that's what I'll always be.
Like the rivers and the woodlands wild and free.
I got a hundred years of down home running through my blood.
I was born country and this country's what I love.

Moonlight and you here beside me.
Crickets serenadin' in the yard.
What more could two people ask for.
Laying here in love beneath the stars.
Now this is where I wanna raise my kids.
Just the way my mom and daddy did.

I was born country and that's what I'll always be.
Like the rivers and the woodlands wild and free.
I got a hundred years of down home running through my blood.
I was born country and this country's what I love.

I was born country and that's what I'll always be.
Like the rivers and the woodlands wild and free.
I got a hundred years of down home running through my blood.
I was born country and this country's what I love.
I was born country

The Secrets We Keep

I'm starting to believe that even the most innocent, boring adult has secrets that would shock their closest friends. Secrets that may have even shocked themselves. Maybe this is why they seem so quiet and innocent.

I was at a friend's house last night for dinner and games and my friend made the comment (about me) that it's the quiet ones you have to watch out for. He knows my secrets. I know his. We've both shook our heads at the other person when we heard what the other has done in our lifetimes. But, we're still friends and we didn't judge each other by what we did. Okay, we certainly have learned a lot about the other person when these secrets were revealed but the fact that we can deal with them, move on and still be friends is pretty amazing in my mind. Why? Because I know what I've done and I'm no sure I'd be friends with me! Because it would firmly place me in the category of "one of THOSE people" and I wouldn't want that drama in my life. But people change, sometimes for the worse but not always. I had a couple rough years. You might call it hitting my teen years a little late. A little rebellion against society (and no it wasn't illegal, well, in most states). But it was definitely out of the norm for me. My friends who knew me before and during those two years tell me I should write a book. One likes to tell me my life was just like a really bad Lifetime movie and that I should write a movie about it. I told him I'm sure it's been done.

Which makes me wonder. If we all have secrets, but the "movies" already been done, just why are these things so shocking? I've lost at least one friend over what I've done. Haven't heard a word from him in over three years. But, we're human. We all make stupid choices. Thankfully I've learned from mine and it's cost me a lot. Not just the friendships but it took its toll on my faith in myself. Two years later, I'm still working on that. I'm amazed at just how many of the pieces I've picked up and fit back together in just the last eight to ten months! Life is good as they say.

What's even better is finding a friend I can confide in, who hopefully will not judge me too harshly once she's heard the whole story. Because, while the pieces are starting to fall back together, there are a few that are, oh, pretty well shattered. When I was in second grade I played Humpty Dumpty in a play and I remember after my first relationship fell apart, telling the next person in my life that the shell holding me together was pretty fragile, let's not try to see what happens if it breaks. But he had to push and just like Humpty Dumpty, all the pieces couldn't be put back together again. Maybe I'll just fit a few new ones in place of the old ones. Hopefully, I won't build a new wall to sit on and watch life go by. Hmmm, I'm pretty sure I haven't done that. In fact, it seems I've jumped head first into my life lately. And I'm liking what I see...

When the Sand Runs Out

Here's the words to the song that I titled my blog after. It's by Rascal Flatts.

I spent the morning at an old friend's grave
Flowers and Amazing Grace, he was a good man
He spent his whole life spinnin' his wheels
Never knowin' how the real thing feels
He never took a chance or took the time to dance
And I stood there thinking as I said goodbye
Today's the first day of the rest of my life

I'm gonna stop lookin' back and start movin' on
And learn how to face my fears
Love with all of my heart, make my mark
I wanna leave something here

Go out on a ledge, with out any net
That's what I'm gonna be about
Yeah I wanna be runnin'
When the sand runs out

'Cause people do it everyday
Promise themselves they're gonna change
I've been there, but I'm changin' from the inside out

That was then and this is now
I'm a new man, yeah, I'm a brand new man
And when they carve my stone they'll write these words
"Here lies a man who lived life for all that its worth"

I'm gonna stop lookin' back and start movin' on
Learn how to face my fears
Love with all of my heart, make my mark
I wanna leave something here

Go out on a ledge, with out any net
That's what I'm gonna be about
Yeah I wanna be runnin'
When the sand runs out

And as a cold wind blows across the grave yard
I think I hear the voice of my old friend whisper in my ear

I'm gonna stop lookin' back and start movin' on
Learn how to face my fears
Love with all of my heart, make my mark
I wanna leave something here

Go out on a ledge, with out any net
That's what I'm gonna be about
Yeah I wanna be runnin'
When the sand runs out
Wanna be runnin'
When the sand runs out mmmm
Yes I do